I seriously would do anything to not have to go back to fucking Altus, OK. I fucking hate it there, I’m going to be alone, with 12-13 hour shifts til January and I’m not leaving there until May… I fucking hate this shit. I’m so done with Active duty, just let me go Reserve please! I seriously don’t think I can make it through the next year without going crazy
I really want some chocolate milk, & I actually have some in the fridge…
But it’s all the way in the kitchen. I
First I’d have to climb over the sleeping Jay mountain, across the meadow of clothes, through the dark hall, across the living room, through the scary dining room, into the kitchen where I have to walk across the cold floor the the end where the fridge is…
Nope I’ll stay in bed until Jay wakes up, and he can do the rest ((:
I just had a really bad dream about skunks…
Have you ever thought about what if’s?
I know a what if is only a what if, and we’ll never actually know, but just think about it. What if you could have been happier? What if he/she never cheated on you? What if you were never abused? What if the person you are with isn’t the person that will make you happy for the rest of your life?
I think about this all the time lately, and it hurts, cause I know if I’m thinking about it, my significant other can possibly be thinking about it too. I freak myself out because, he doesn’t think about me all the time, the way I do. He doesn’t constantly want to talk to me, the way I do. He does want time away from me when possible, and even if I’m as mad as can be I still want him there. I don’t want it to bug me, but it does. I’ve been with someone like me and I ended up being hit in the face multiple times with a broken jaw. I understand I’m clingy, and though I don’t want to be hit in the face I want to be with someone who’s clingy, too. I’ve been told by people that I can be treated better, that I can be loved more. But, I don’t want anyone else, I want to be with 1 person, but that person doesn’t want me the way I want them and I hate it.
This brings me back to what if I wasn’t so clingy? What if I wasn’t so forward? What if I didn’t care the way my significant other doesn’t? Just what if, what if, what if…
I hate that my brain thinks so much, I just want it to stop.
And I have yet to get anything…
Ugh I’m always the first one to text, call, or even want to Skype.
Can’t it be the other way around for once?
I hate dwelling on the past. But, I was physically abused in my last long relationship. So whenever my significant other, jokingly makes a fist, or gets even a little angry, I get scared. I legit get this pit in my stomach, and want to curl in a ball and cry.
I’ve been hit in the face to the point where it broke my jaw, and I had I get teeth removed. I don’t mean to be such a little girl about it. I hate that my mind goes back to that. But it does I can’t stop it, I just don’t know how to explain. Ugh
I just chipped my tooth, DAMN YOU PICA! ugh this sucks. luckily it’s a front bottom tooth, so no one will notice when I smile, but it’s noticeable when i talk )):
I had to delete this person, the one thing I hate about the military, is that there are so many closed-minded, ignorant, racist, & uneducated people. Like her, ugh. Took everything I had to not comment to this, so I stayed away and unfriended. Good job to me.